She has traveled the path from the “perfect woman by someone else’s script” to a woman who writes her own reality. Tamara Zhukova — a clinical neuropsychologist, speaker, and the founder of women’s communities and retreats in Africa — speaks about consciousness, emotional maturity, and feminine strength without illusions or compromise. In this candid conversation, she explains why spirituality without critical thinking doesn’t work, why a family begins with inner stability, and why the greatest fear is not daring to truly live.
My life unfolded paradoxically — both simple and complex at the same time. I married very young, became a mother at 20, and by 27 I was already running a kindergarten. From the outside, everything looked perfect: a family, a child, a car, a house, a dog — the full checklist of a “happy woman.” But behind that beautiful façade, there was no real me. I wasn’t living as a person; I was living as a role — with clearly prescribed functions of how a wife “should” behave, what she “should” do, and how she “should” feel. I wasn’t hearing myself or knowing what I wanted, because I was living according to a pre-installed algorithm.
My turning point came one morning when I woke up without any sense that the day ahead had meaning for me. That’s when I realized: I was living someone else’s life. And I began searching for answers. At first, they came through breathwork, meditation, and spiritual podcasts. I immersed myself in spirituality, trying to understand why a person comes into this world, what ancestral systems pass down to us, and what the meaning of our path truly is. I wasn’t searching for abstract truth — I was searching for answers for myself: Who am I? Why am I here? How do I want to live differently?
I am deeply family-oriented and never blamed my husband or my parents. I simply walked my own path of awareness — from understanding what I no longer wanted to creating a new sense of self-worth. A new life model in which I could finally feel genuinely happy.
Over time, I discovered another trap: when you go too deep into spirituality, it’s easy to lose touch with reality. I went through that as well. Repetitive life patterns showed me that meditation alone was not enough. I had to go deeper — into the roots embedded in my thinking. Why do I think the way I do? Why is fear stronger than action? Why doesn’t my reality match my dreams? And why, in fact, must we learn how to dream in the first place?
Through my own personal crisis — when everything seemed to be in place, yet there was no inner sense of flight — I turned to clinical neuropsychology. I wanted to understand what programs we inherit through DNA, how the brain forms in early childhood, and why our reactions are often faster than our conscious desire to act differently. I began observing people, researching, analyzing — seeking answers that weren’t easily available in open sources.
Looking at the women in my family, especially on my mother’s side, I saw a pattern of unfulfilled potential, fear of choice, and emotional dependency. And I knew: I wanted this cycle to end. I recognized those same behavioral patterns in myself and began working through them. Because every action is born from belief — and beliefs can be changed.
That is why today I tell women: you can change your life. You have the right to do so. Through awareness, tools, practices, and work with the mind, it is possible. And the greatest value in this process is not just changing your circumstances — but finally beginning to live your own life.
To be honest, all of these roles only make my second husband more intrigued. With a smile, I can say that I am so multifaceted that he never quite knows which part of me he will wake up next to — and what mood our morning will begin with. But this isn’t chaos. It’s my inner “yes” to life. I always choose the opportunities that present themselves.
I sincerely unite the spiritual and the earthly. In the modern world, it’s the only way. Focusing solely on the material means losing emotional balance. Living only in spirituality means denying yourself a beautiful, full life that so many dream of. I continue to dream — and to act. For me, these worlds coexist through responsibility. Above all, I am genuinely interested in my own life. And in that interest, I feel whole.
The Mrs. Europe title is a story of its own. Until about 35, I didn’t feel worthy of something like that. Everything changed when I was invited to compete among women 35+ who had made a meaningful contribution to their country. It was the first year of the full-scale war. I didn’t even apply — I was simply invited. Symbolically, when the crown was placed on my head, it fell onto the stage. At that moment, I wasn’t yet ready to accept the status internally. I couldn’t understand how a girl from a modest family could stand beside such powerful women. But today I see it clearly: every one of us there was deserving.
Africa has become my second home. It entered my life unexpectedly — I was invited to appear in a music video as a titleholder and traveled to Zanzibar for the first time. And I left my heart there. It’s difficult to explain logically — on a soul level, it feels as if I had lived there before. That’s why I host my retreats there. The nature is untouched, values are uncompromised, and the philosophy is simple: a person needs another person. There is openness, mutual support, authenticity. And it cleanses the soul.
As for financial growth, I am someone who deliberately broke my own limitations around money. I became the first millionaire in my family and realized clearly: money can be created. It’s not easy — it’s about the volume of action, moving forward without guaranteed results on the first attempt. I am someone who simply acts. A lot. Persistently. I know that one of those actions will inevitably lead to results. The law is simple: keep going — and don’t stop.
As a clinical neuropsychologist and motivational speaker, you work with women in their most vulnerable states — from addiction to emotional burnout. What patterns do you see most often? And where does the journey to a healthy family truly begin?
First and foremost, I see behavior driven by the “inner child.” Many relationship problems arise because a woman unconsciously repeats her mother’s model. She falls into emotional, childish reactions instead of stepping into adult awareness that a man is also a separate individual—with his own fears, emotions, and weaknesses.
I often see control where control is impossible, and deep ancestral fears of betrayal, humiliation, and devaluation. If these patterns existed in the family system, a woman may fear repetition — and paradoxically destroys the relationship first. She fears being hurt and hurts herself instead. This is a profound topic about how women unconsciously self-destruct in relationships.
The truth is simple and not always pleasant: if a woman is not interesting to herself, she will never be truly interesting to her partner. Even children cannot safeguard a relationship if a woman doesn’t know how to manage her emotions. We are all emotional — it’s our nature. But we must learn to live these emotions constructively, to support our partner while remaining self-sufficient.
Self-sufficiency is not coldness. It’s presence. It’s movement in one’s own projects, professional realization, inner fullness. A woman like this remains interesting to her partner not for a moment — but for years. Men, in fact, seek simple yet profound things: wisdom, emotional stability, and support.
Very often I hear: “He must take the first step,” “He must change,” “He must…” — and this is the sound of misplaced responsibility. This is still the “kindergarten mindset.” In reality, each person must take responsibility for what they create in their own life. And it begins with yourself.
When a woman begins asking herself honest questions — what kind of relationship do I want, what kind of partner do I want, and who must I become beside such a man — real change begins. It is easy to wait for others to change. It is difficult to look at yourself.
A family collapses when people live by borrowed beliefs, imposed scripts, and social templates instead of their inner sense of “this feels right to me.” When there is inner support, curiosity toward oneself, and respect for personal boundaries — interest emerges naturally in relationships.
And most importantly: in a relationship, you must be not only partners — but also friends, allies, and lovers. That is the glue that holds a couple together for years. And the best news is that a woman who evolves truly can create all of this in her life.
A strong community influences women subtly — but powerfully. Women begin shifting beliefs that were never truly theirs, but inherited. We all grow up within certain models: first shaped by parents, then by society — school, first relationships, first traumas and crises. All of this forms our sense of “how life should be.”
When even one person begins living by a different inner compass, change ripples outward. It’s like energetic Wi-Fi — a wave that spreads and touches many. Women begin asking themselves: Is this really my vision or someone else’s? Is this my desire or a social expectation? And in that moment, a rewrite begins.
Women realize they’ve often lived someone else’s life, someone else’s dreams, someone else’s programs. And when they change themselves, their environment changes inevitably. That’s how circle effects are born — one transformation triggers another, multiplying a new version of womanhood.
The woman of the new era is one who can influence not only her inner state but also the emotional atmosphere around her. Not through emotional explosions, not through trauma or conflict — but through conscious presence. Through what she leaves behind in conversation, in contact, in connection.
And to me, this is one of the highest forms of feminine power: to influence not through noise — but through depth.
I believe the very first and most essential realization for a Ukrainian woman is this: appearance must not come first. At the center should be an open heart, inner maturity, and a deep spiritual foundation — the kind that allows a woman to influence her own state of being, and through it, the emotional climate of her family.
You can change your appearance endlessly, wear the most exquisite clothes, transform yourself outwardly in every possible way — but if you do not radiate wisdom, emotional depth, and inner stability, all of it will work only for the short term. Yes, you may be bright, desirable, and constantly in the spotlight — but without inner grounding, that attention will not build lasting partnership or a lifelong union.
A woman must develop spiritually, fill her heart with love, and cultivate a conscious understanding of what she truly wants to create with her emotional presence — in relationships, in family, in life as a whole. Because true attraction is not a form — it is substance. And only substance endures over time.
My primary goal today is the creation of the Academy of Conscious Living — a space where both women and men learn to take responsibility for every emotion, every word, every choice. It is about adulthood, awareness, and inner maturity.
In practical terms, I also see this as a retreat center — possibly even in Africa — where isolation from familiar rhythms allows a person to see themselves through new eyes. That’s why I began creating retreats in the first place. It is one of the fastest and deepest paths to self-reflection. Through interaction, community, practice, and shared experience, people begin to see their inner world. Because a person always needs another person — to reflect oneself and to recognize both strengths and vulnerabilities.
I deeply believe that we come into this world not only to work and raise children. We are creators. Especially women. Our task is to create something greater by relying on our talents, potential, and inner strength.
Today, I am beginning a completely new phase of life — and I am not afraid. I don’t wish to repeat past crises, but I know I will endure new challenges because I already have endured many. I cannot be responsible for others. I can only be responsible for my own state. And if I cannot change the outer world, I must change what is happening within me — my body, my consciousness, my emotions. The best thing I can do for myself, my family, my clients, and my country is to preserve emotional stability.
Why is it so frightening to begin? Because everyone wants guarantees. And guarantees don’t exist. Everyone wants stability — but that, too, is an illusion. People try to control tomorrow, but few are ready to learn trust — trust in life, in God, in intuition. And this is exactly what I am learning now: to trust.
Emotional balance is the foundation of every great and successful endeavor — from family to large-scale projects. Because family is the space where “everyone is already enough.” Where no one needs to be fixed, re-educated, or proven wrong. Family is an investment of time, attention, and patience. It is about accepting another viewpoint. About understanding that we can be different and still remain together — without a war for superiority.
Is it scary to begin? No. What is truly frightening is not beginning at all. It is frightening not to live an interesting life. And I am absolutely chasing that curiosity toward life. Because I know one thing for certain: only when life genuinely interests us can we be truly happy.
